1. There is no specific income amount that spells success, so stop worrying about it.

2. Your business profit isn’t a signal of your worthiness as a human being, nor your ability to get the dance floor started (which is a most worthwhile skill).

3. However, business is about making money so if something is not making you money in business, stop doing it.

4. Being Internet Famous or Instagram Famous is not the same as being actually famous for doing something worthwhile.

5. Unsubscribe, unfollow and unfriend anyone who makes you feel bad about yourself and your business. Life’s too short.

6. Exposure and ego won’t pay the bills. Money pays both bills and holidays. And holidays make for more sex and good times so go for the money.

7. Journaling will not save you. Only god saves (just jokes).

8. Software doesn’t actually do any work for you, you still need skills. You don’t need a particular piece of software to be successful, you need skills.

9. Nobody really knows what they’re doing, so stop feeling like a fraud. We’re here for a good time, not for a long time.

10. If you hate public speaking, don’t start spruiking yourself as a speaker for ‘exposure’.

11. Diddling around on Facebook doesn’t mean you’re growing your business. Call it what it is and go watch another cat video.

12. Stop hiding from people. Pick up the bloody phone already. It’s far simpler, more effective and cheaper than creating a video series, crafting a marketing funnel and selling your kidney to pay for Facebook ads.

13. The time when you’re seeing Instagram ads for some new fangled marketing platform or tactic is about the time that it’s far less effective because the marketers jumped in and ruined everything.

14. Being vulnerable and authentic online does not make for trust and authority, it makes for voyeurism. Which would you rather attract?

15. Say yes to the goddamn mid-week lunch invite from your mate. You’re self-employed remember? Stop being an arsehole boss to yourself.

16. Avoid anyone who speaks of “zone of genius”. They aren’t genius enough for plain English.

17. Don’t hire anyone to write a plan for you. Not unless you’re also hiring them to implement the damn thing. You’re the boss, right? So why would you follow someone else’s map?

18. Ditto, beware of someone else’s system. It’s a system to them selling you a simple thing that works for them.

19. Womenfolk, it’s wonderful that we’re different to men. But let’s stop calling each other “babe” and talking about moon cycles and women cycles and then expect to be taken seriously.

20. Menfolk, stop over-promising and being so goddamn condescending. Talk down to people and you’ll attract idiots. Do you really want customers and no self-respect?

21. It’s perfectly acceptable to have “attract intelligent blog comments” as a business goal.

22. Similarly, it’s perfectly acceptable to not work Mondays, or Fridays, or weekends, evenings and holidays. Boundaries. And your rules, my friend.

23. Email auto-responders are also your friend.

24. Clients aren’t paying for your time. They’re paying for the outcome. Your expertise. Your experience. Your personality and perspective and opinion. Stop thinking about money in relation to time.

25. Forget about the goddamn flat lays. Uploading photos to social media feels productive. Show me the money.

26. If you change direction, branding, expertise, on the regular, don’t expect to grow your business. Your mother is having doubts about your flightiness, so what do you expect from strangers?

27. Sleep more. It’s awesome.

28. Before you throw in the towel, ditch the pitch, or shut up shop, consider your marketing. Are you doing any? Does it not suck? Are you reaching eyeballs? It’s probably your marketing that’s the problem, not the thing.

29. You need to talk more about what you do, to more people, without causing them to back away, scared. Take up coffee – it makes talking far easier.

30. When you’re planning for the new year, or even the next quarter, start with your holidays.

31. If you’re excited about your business development these holidays and didn’t really celebrate much because it turns out all your friends are also self-employed workaholics and you don’t really have any normal friends anymore, then it’s time you took a holiday, slept more and learnt how to get the dance floor started.

[Tweet “New Years goals that make you happy, not Nigel no friends”]