Letting go so you can grow

Transcript

Clients often come to me because they want to change direction. They know that the old way of doing things isn’t working anymore. They’ve decided they need to rebrand, they need to reposition. They want to call in new premium paying clients. They are sick of doing things the way they’ve been doing them and they know that they’ve been tolerating stuff for way too long.

And in this process — and I’ve done this process with God knows how many clients over the last 13 or so years that I’ve been coaching — one of the biggest hindrances is that it’s easy to start new things. In fact, it’s fun. It’s fun, right? We decide, okay, I’ve got this new daily habit of writing, I’ve got this new daily habit of yoga, I’ve got this new daily habit of going for a walk, whatever the thing is. You know, this part’s fun. This is the enjoyable bit.

What is harder, and oftentimes overlooked, is the stuff that we’re going to stop doing. It’s easier to start something than it is to stop something. And when it comes to changing direction, when it comes to boldly striding into the future with arms wide open, breaking up with those old antiquated ways — and the thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and opinions that of course make that happen — is much, much harder.

So let’s talk about that today.

One of the things that we want to be doing as we stride boldly into the future is we want to take up more space. We want to turn up the volume. We want to stop shying away from having an opinion and having a voice.

But the old way of doing it is to be quiet. And of course, why wouldn’t it be? We have perhaps imbibed a lifetime of messages from those around us that we need to be wary of what other people think. We need to be courteous. We need to be kind and considerate. We need to be polite. And that if we do these things, these are good things to do, these will mean that our place in heaven is surely assured.

Rather than the opposite, which is: we need to be clear, we need to be bold, we need to be direct, we need to ask for what we want.

The second thing that we’re doing as we move boldly towards the future is we want to stand for something. In our marketing, we want to stand for something, especially if we’re a personal brand. Especially if we’re not hiding behind a logo. Especially if it is us as a consultant or a coach or a strategist or whatever you call yourself.

We need to stand for something. We need to make sure that whatever it is that we say connects with the people that we’re seeking to call in.

But of course, the old antiquated beliefs that we’re trying to shed are those that say we must please everyone. That we must be all things to all people. That we must fit in. That we must make sure people don’t feel uncomfortable with us.

And oftentimes, this is directly losing us revenue. Because the more that we attempt to fit in, the more that we attempt to please people, the more that we attempt not to piss people off, the more invisible we become.

We see this most obviously in social media algorithms. Algorithms are a great example of preferring bold, strident opinion. Month after month, year after year, as we try not to rock the boat, algorithms literally make us invisible.

And so, the more we call in our future, the more specific our language becomes — because specific is genius. We have to appreciate the power that comes when we use scaringly specific language to call in our ideal clients.

We are painting pictures in other people’s minds that make them think, “How the hell does she know what’s going on in my mind? How the hell does she know what’s going on in my life?”

We make ourselves invisible when we speak in broad generalisations. We make ourselves invisible with that old-school thinking that says, “If we cast a wide net, we will catch more fish.”

Beige disappears. Specificity shines.

The third thing that we do as we boldly stride into the future is that we want to take imperfect action. We don’t want to wait for all the ducks to be in a row. We don’t want to wait until we feel confident. We don’t want to wait until we know what we’re doing.

Because the old way of doing things — that old antiquated way that’s keeping us small — is to wait. It’s to hesitate. It’s to delay. It’s to say, “When I have more confidence, then I’ll do it. When I have more time, then I’ll do it. When I have more money, then I’ll do it.”

But the truth is, we gain confidence by doing. We gain clarity by moving. We gain energy by starting.

The old way keeps us stuck in perpetual preparation. The new way propels us forward through imperfect, messy, beautiful action.

And finally, the fourth thing that we do as we boldly stride into the future is we stop apologising for what we want. We stop apologising for our desires. We stop apologising for our ambition.

Because the old antiquated way tells us we should be grateful for what we have, that we should be humble, that we should play small, that we shouldn’t want too much.

But our future demands that we own our ambition. That we stop couching our desires in apology. That we declare what we want, not as if we’re asking permission, but as if it’s inevitable.

So as you boldly stride into the future, consider: What do you need to stop doing? What do you need to let go of? What old, antiquated ways of thinking, believing, or behaving are keeping you small, stuck, or invisible?

Because starting new things is easy. Stopping old things — breaking up with what no longer serves you — that’s where the transformation happens.

It’s like weeding the garden. The flowers won’t bloom if the weeds are choking them. And it’s not the planting of new seeds alone that brings the garden to life, it’s also the pulling out of weeds.

So go weed your garden. Stop the things that need stopping. Break up with the old ways. And make space for the new.