Episode 27: Modesty is Dangerous

Transcript

Welcome to *Meaningful Work for Remarkable Life.* I’m your host, Brook McCarthy, and I’m a business coach, trainer, and speaker living and working on the unseeded lands of the Cammeraygal people here in Sydney, Australia. In this podcast, we explore the paradoxes inherent in working for love and money, magnifying your impact, and doing the work you’re born to do. We explore the intersections of the meanings we bring to work and the meanings we derive from work.

It’s a big one today. I hope you’re strapping yourself in wherever you are. Maybe you’re in the car, so you’re already strapped in. We are talking about modesty, power, humility, boldness—all the big stuff. Because I’m fun like that. I love diving in the deep end. So, are you ready?

Modesty is dangerous. It’s a learned affectation. These glorious words are not mine; I wish they were. They are Maya Angelou’s. If you’ve never heard of Maya Angelou, go ahead and Google her immediately. Not while you’re driving, because you can thank me later. She is awesome, and she goes on to say that modesty is not humility.

Modesty is a behavior that babies are not born knowing. If you’ve ever seen a one-year-old or a two-year-old, you know that modesty is not even vaguely in their world. There is so much socialization, so much social conditioning that goes on—not just in your family, not just in mine, but for thousands and thousands of years. For thousands of years, we have been taught that humility and modesty are virtues.

That the meek shall inherit the Earth. That we need to be kind. We need to donate a portion of our money and our time to others.

What are we doing while we’re doing this? Some of it’s fine and fabulous, but of course, we’re keeping the status quo intact. We are tithing to religious or otherwise powerful institutions to keep the status quo intact. Because, of course, it’s much easier to keep power over others when we use propaganda—when we use their minds and thoughts and make them think it’s their idea and an excellent one at that. That there is virtue to be had and a place in heaven is surely assured.

These ideas are not natural. They are planted, taught, learned, and reinforced well into adulthood.

Of course, we bring all that baggage to business. When we start our own businesses and attempt to grow them, we oftentimes get a lot of pushback—sometimes from clients, suppliers, colleagues, friends, or family.

This goes directly against the grain of everything we’ve been taught.

The other thing we see a lot of is big personalities in the media. Celebrities acting badly. Narcissism on obvious display. We see this a lot on social media, which rewards divisive behavior.

We have this weird dichotomy between the rich, powerful, and famous acting badly with overblown egos and, at the same time, the rest of us distancing ourselves from that behavior. We don’t want to be “that person.”

Our values have been weaponized against us. When someone says, “If you really wanted this work, if you really cared, if you were truly conscientious, others would kill for this job—it’s a fantastic opportunity!” your values are being weaponized against you.

For those at the modest end of the spectrum, you tend to do it for all the right reasons. You’re volunteering, giving, donating, thinking of others, taking responsibility for others’ well-being. These are all fine and fabulous things.

But when we downplay our achievements, fail to advocate for ourselves, or deny the fabulous things we’ve done, we argue ourselves into staying small.

This is why modesty is dangerous. It keeps you small, meek, and exactly where you are.

A lot of it has to do with our relationship with power.

Many people start businesses for negative reasons—escaping toxic workplaces, finding work incompatible with family or health needs, or frustration at not finding a job that matches their ability or expertise.

These vexed relationships with power leave us constantly proving our value. It’s a very extractive, hierarchical view of power—how can I extract the utmost value from others?

I argue that we are not bolder in business because we do not want to be “that person.” We’ve decided power is inherently exploitative, but it doesn’t have to be.

The new way of business is power *with* and power *to*, not power *over*. It’s collaborative, cooperative, community-focused, and seeks mutual benefit.

Layering this with our personal power is where things get interesting.

If you’ve ever felt clarity, purpose, or the vast potential within you, it’s hard to deny it. But we’re scared of our own power because we’ve let others and their propaganda keep us small.

The idea that success requires sacrifice—broken relationships, alienated friends, or values clashes—is part of the propaganda. True success aligns with your skills, purpose, and values, and it is absolutely possible.

To embrace this, we must let go of modesty, acknowledge jealousy as a useful spotlight for desire, and boldly claim our space.

If you’re ready to be bold, join me and Belinda Weaver at *Vision Unbound* in Joshua Tree, California, this October. This retreat is about plotting your next high-impact move.

For details, find me on Instagram at Brooke McCarthy. Let’s connect.

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